we woke up together in my room, which had three beds in it but the other two were in another section to my room, my room was like a lounge/kitchen area. you got up to have a shower and i told you that ill be going to work now, and to my surprise there was a friend of yours in the other room part to my room around the corner as i began to leave i thought maybe ill shut the door and pretend to leave and hide under the bed, i did so and waited for what seemed only like 5 minutes. i then heard you call out, you still here from the bather room that connected to my bedroom, and your friend said hes not here anymore hes gone to work, and you replied then come in already, my heart was pounding, i was scared that you two would hear my heart pounding in my chest, i watched his feet come around the corner and lead to the bathroom door, he knocked and said ill wait just a little longer in case he comes back for something, you quickly replied Na im pretty sure hes gone and i don’t think he even knows your here. so he op[end the door and then closed it again, i didn’t want to move just in case either one of you two came back out of the bathroom so i stayed hidden under the bed for a while until i heard you two giggle then followed by stick it in already then you started to moan, i knew what you two were doing, i was now shaking so i quietly got out from under the bed and opened the door as quietly as i could, then opened it fast to catch you to in action and i was right you two were fucking!
I dont know what to do with myself anymore.
I feel alone a betreyed all the time when I’m most likely not.
Paranioa has got the best of me, and its going to be the death of me.
Im constantly dreaming about my girlfriend cheating or leaving me.
Shes innocent though.
Constantly dreaming of paralising hypnotic alien opening me up while they let me watch.
I wake up in heavy sweats.
Shadows move in the corner of my eyes.
Im constantly searching for something that doesnt exsist.
Everyday I convince myself Im better off dead in this world.
Know that thought, will hurt people around me if it were to become true.
I do wish to live for many years to come but it seems pointless to know that there wont be much of a change in life to come.
If I could get to space Id have something to live for.
Ive never really known what Ive wanted to do with my life in my teen years, and for that I have suffered greatly.
The lack of knowledge for certificates to gain entry to universities is bound.
The lack of faith in myself is bound.
Hope within myself has no shape or form.
I AM waiting for my impending doom.
Unless I can get to the endless black sea of the universe before my time is up.
I think im crazy to think and dream of such things.
I vision many different ways on how to end my life.
Still none take my liking.
Maybe my purpose is to be a sacrafice?
For a cause far higher than my worth.
For someone who deserves another chance in life.
I dont know.
I really dont fucking know anymore.
Life frustrates the fuck out of me.
The way the world works.
The way peoples views and thoughts affect the way I feel.
I wish it didnt effect me so.
But it does.
I feel like I need to do something drastic for people to listen or at least understand me just the slightest.
Everywhere I go theres atleast one person I see that needs to be stabbed.
Deserving of it or not.
I need to stab or cut them to bring them in line.
Then again when have I ever been in line?
Im not going to lie I probably need a cutting or stabbing myself.
The world could do better without a person like me.
Thats only my opinion.
Dont hesitate to agree.
We’d probably get along far more easier that way.
This is why I try to keep to myself.
Stay at home.
Keep away from social scenes to avoide the awkward.
To avoid stress.
To avoid stabbing/cutting someone.
To dwell in my own world and be content I have to alienate myself.
Isolation can be rewarding.
But it also clouds my mind with greater darkness…
well it was my birthday in a house next to cories familys house, it was both our birthdays, you came over to mine for a little while and then said your going over to his to wish him happy birthday too, then what seemed like two hours went by and i i txted you a bit asking if you were coming back and you didnt reply, so i went over and opened the dooor, no one was in the lounge but the tv was on, so i hid uner the kitchen table that let me see from his room to the lounge to the front dooor, you came out of his room putting your coat on and he was muttering something like thanks and put both his hands in his pants to readjust his junk and gave you a hug and you left, i waited for him to go back to his room which didnt take long like 5 seconds then went out the door silently and jumped over my back fence since its right beside his house and you were off to my house too but taking a long way which would take like 10 mins, i dont know how that would work, but it sounds like dream logic lols, i was in the house waiting for you and you came over and and i was like why did it take you so long and you were like something about all his friends were there and shit and just made things seem difficult and i was like are you sure, andyou were like yes why whats wrong, and i was like i was there when you came out of his room i could hear what you were doing calling your bluff,and you got reraly panicky and i was like dont lie to me id never do this to you and you were like im sorry and i said get out cause i dont want to be with you anymore and you kept pleading to take you back and i sent you out of le house, you went over to corys striaght away and afgter like 20mins i went over again and you legit were in his room and this time i could hear you fucking him, so i stood in the kitchen this time and soon after you came back out and said ill go talk to him again cause i realy hurt him and i want him back, and as you finished saying that i remember saying something like well i dont want you back after youve just fucked him and you two looked super shocked cause i was in corys house, and i left then corys arents came home realy drunk with some teachers from a local school all drunk too, and when i tried to leave just as they came , one of the drunk ass teachers grabbed me saying where are you going, and i was like going home, oh hey do you like 308’s and he was like yeaaaaaaaaaa bring one round and i was like yea ok ill be back, annd i left for my house and you were running after me and then craig was walking home from work so i invited him over cause he randomly just comes to my house in dreams like i go to his in real life and he just jammed on a pc when we got inside and you were right be inde me following me into my room, and i asked you , why did you fuck him and you relied i dont know, and i was like how do you noty know why you fucked him, and this seemd like it was going for hours this part just you ‘not knowing’ why you fucked him, and i was like well fine you can have him anyway, im obviously not the one you realy want to be with , but i am hurting and this was as i wass pulling my gun from under the bed i rememebr it being stuck, it was like a trippy feeling of the gun being stuck lol, but i got it out eventualy and you were like not noticing the gun at all as iff it were invisible or somethign and i was planing on murdering him and and i got everything ready and just before i woke up i remember you saying ok ill tell you why i fucked him and gosh damnit thats when i woke up
Ive become a twisted paranoid factory. I trust you with all my heart but my mind has turned on me. Seeing things that could stop my blood flowing. Slowly seeking mad thoughts that shouldnt exsist. Constant as they come I try to resist their calls. I feel as if the world has abandoned me. Gravity has failed to keep me grounded. I feel myself floating alone towards something dark and cold. My hand feels empty without you near. Not even I understand why Im like this. I try to see past the film of lies my mind has created. A perfect movie of something that doesnt exsist yet its so easy to believe. Im constanly filled with hurt. I cant do this anymore. The distance has won. There is no one else but you. Im far too self concious to let even you see me in the light. I dont think there could ever be anyone else. The constant thought of being last in your list of priorities has consumed me. The constant thought that im not the only one you were thinking about from the start of our relationship. The constant thought that you could be lead astray from me so easy has haunted me. Its haunted me every time I leave you from a visit. I know this must sound like a bunch of excuses. Its the only way I can decifer whats happening in my mind. Im not alright. Ive lost hope within myself. You do bring happiness in my life. More than anyone has. But my self diagnosis has ruined my line of sight. I can only blame myself for my miscomuined desisions. And I know this must seem like bullshit but i want to be with you. Only you. But i feel like im wasting your time and im not worth much too you. I just feel useless in this world. And soon the thoughts of the after life will have me convinced thats the better option. I dont want to leave you. Please know that I have fell in love with you and its hard for me to express what im truely trying to say. Because reading back through this, it still doesnt make sense of what im trying say. I dont think in my life time I could ever explain what I truly want to say. I wish it could be simple. I wish that i could speak properly. I wish i could be normal. I dont see that happening any time soon. Im just really affraid of my own mind when it comes down to it. How unpredictable it has become. Im sorry that ive wasted your time
I dont remember how it started but I was on holiday, in some other country. When I returned I didnt hear a word from you, no txt, call, email or even word from my friends. I knew something was up. So I went to your house and you werent there. My friends wernt speaking much about where you were either or why you were I couldnt find you. So I manged to call my best friend to see what the hell was going on. He informed me that I had been cheated on and who you cheated on me with, another one of my friends, quite close to me. I had mixed feelings, strong feelings of anger, sadness and betrayle. My world seemed non exsistant when i heard the news. After trying to contact you for a few days now it was clear you didnt want anything to do with or even explain why you did it. I felt like nothing was left inside me, I was nothing but a empty shell ready to be smashed. I tried to see you, but it was impossible, I didnt know what to do with myself, I was lost. Never felt so alone in a dream before, it realy did feel 100 times worse. It started to drive me to depression within the first four days, this dream felt like it was taking week to go by, Nothing seemed the same. I hadnt seen my friend you cheated on me with either, I could only assume you were with him, its a horrible feeling to think about the one person you love the most is with some one else„ you start to think crazy things, paranoia kicks in. It seemed you moved on and started something new with him which made me angry. My best friend informed me that you and him started seeing each other while I was on holiday and he said it was wrong to do this to me but you two insisted on seeing each other, not explaining why either. I decided life wasnt worth living, having all the good things taken from me so suddenly without cause. I suddenly found myself in a house or shop feeling nervous, I can see who you cheated on me with near the opposite wall in the room, I felt a gun in my pocket, my eyes could have given me away, I started to breath deeper and deeper as I walked closer to him, he hasnt realised I was in the room. I grab him by the arm as tight as I could making sure he wouldnt escape, I feel around in my pocket and feel a pistol, a revolver I slowly pull it out at the same time asking “why have you done this to me” he looked blank, I could see fear in his eyes as I stuck the barrel into his side, still tigtly grabing him. He said that YOU said it was ok, its ok to do this and that I wouldnt find out, and if I did i would forgive you two. I could see he knew what he had done would catch up with him, clearly knowing that I was wasnt going to forgive them both, I felt unpredictable right now, he said he doesnt know where she is, I didnt care, I was too blind by anger to care. Did you fuck her? He didnt reply, at this point my heart started to pound inside my chest, I wanted to choke him, I knew he did when there was no reply, this made me certain that today was my last day of living, never did i feel so much hurt when there was silence. I told him, how would you feel if you knew it was your last day of living, he started to tremble. He started stuttering, I slowly said “today is my last day too” this felt so right knowing I’d never have you again, at this point he was tasting the salty tears that ran down his face, BANG! Before I kmew it I shot him, he fell to the ground on his back choking on his own blood filling inside his lungs, BANG BANG two more in the chest, nothing but small reflex twitches from nerves left moving from his body, screams from all areas filled the room. The people inside started to run in the form of chaos. I started shooting at randoms not realising I only had three bullets left, I could only hear the clicking of an empty pistol, tears ran down my face, I felt angry at you two for betraying my trust and feelings, suddenly I saw you run past the window with my best friend to see what the comotion was about, “help me hero I need more ammo!” He quickly left, he had ran from me too, you ran over to your now dead lovers body, saddens started to take over as you leaned over him crying while he was spilling the rest of his blood on the floor. How do you feel? You screamed at me “WHY” (why?) What the fuck, this wouldnt have happened if you didnt cheat on me, so why did you do it and ill answer your question! Again silence, that silence from you is more worse than his, my best friend ran back in the room, with a rifle and ammo, threw it at me and said thats all I got, a small feeling of happyness filled me for a few seconds to know i still had friends. You were crying over his dead body, i was hoping you would look up at me but you didnt, tears started runing down my face again, it seemed that forever went by, nothing was happening so i got down on my knees and calmly said “hope he was worth it my dear” aimed the rifle under my chin and before I woke up, I remember pulling the trigger was very hard, as if it was jamed or really hard to pull, But I do remember the force and bang… I must have killed myself.
I was at a party wasnt sure if it was mine because it seemed like my house but the rooms were different, i sat at a table and there were people also sitting around it, felt like five people, it felt like we were playing poker, i hadnt seen you all night but i knew you were there, i didnt mind that, hoping you were having a good time at the party, i was sitting on something like a piano chair of some sort at this table, andrew and tawhai rocked in drunk as and andrew was up to no good with his drunkenness, but i was talking to him and i cant remember what hapened but tawhai was trying to explain something to him but andrew wasnt listening so i picked up my tablet and had taken it to a near by bench kinda like a kitchen island and placed my tablet down to try message you and find where you were, my paranoia kicked in and i was starting to feel like you were forgeting me and having too much fun to remember me and how you felt about me, another group of friends came over and one had a bag of white powder, i knew it was drugs, i didnt want some cause i was trying to look for you, told the friends do not do lines on my tablet please because i have to go to thailand on tuesday and they’ll bust my ass and put me in prison over there, they alll laughed and agreed not to, then left… Everybody left, i walked through the house and no one was there anymore, i seen a glimps of you out the kitchen window so i went out the front door running to quickly call out to you but you smiled as if it were a game of catch and you were in a beautiful bikini, indecided not to chase you because you were to fast, so instead i walked out to the front by the road and saw down the street some coca colo trucks and some sort of water party, all my friends had moved down the street to the park where coca cola were giving out free stuff and having fun pretty much. You came walking out i thought you were going to talk to me but you kept on walking right past, wtf i yelled and all of a sudden i seen you walking down there and you looked at me and smiled, it was a smile i took as you dont fuckng care about how im feeling because yoir having fun at the park kinda smile, so i walked back in home thinking it was over, you didnt love, me any more, i yelled out you dont care about how i feel about you do you, you think its alright to make me feel like your having the best time without me, i could tears rolling down my face at this point, it felt very painful for some reason, this broken heart feeling in my dreams seems so much worse in real life like it was turning into a nightmare, as i was walking through the front door, i heard you coming so i ran to my room and tried to find my red strippy t shirt and opened the window, feet first while holding on to the curtain rail, i must say i felt like a pro escaping through that window, but i was still angry and very upset about you and the way you acted, at this point im running dow the side of the house towards the street, to get lost in the park with the rest of the people, i could hear you yelling my name, shae where are you, im sorry, wher did you go. I was nearly over the fence when you realised i went out the window, you also tried to get oit the window, it gave me time to escape down the street, i crossed over to the right side and wa about 20 meters away from the party, teens were running around shooting each other with bb guns and water guns, there was a masive line up ahead, i could see you running after me now still trying to get my attention, the pain was still there and all i wanted to do was to hide and never see you, caugt up with andrew and tawhai, they were in the line that had formed and was a line to the water slide that was there, people got their eyes scans by a lazer to know if they were old enough to ride the slide, it looked brutal as like a white water slide where lot of peope could go down at once like a river, you now had two guys with you, you were holding hands with one of them but draging or pulling them through the crowd, it pain grew bigger when i seen this, you were still calling my name out and screaming you were sorry, i started to cry again, and didnt want people to see so i turnd my back to you while staying in the line, as i turned my back, there was a tall skimnny man, looked irish and had a mohawk whick was black, no shirt and ripped pants with green docks on, he had a massive pistol pressed hard against my chest where my heart was, i cant remember if he said this is it or its come to this, and pulled the trigger, i noticed i had flew back quite a bit and landed on my back the only pain i felt was the hurt you caused, there was no pain from the bullet it felt as if i was stuck on the ground, like gravity had been turned up to 100g. No one was there, no one had come to save me, i was left alone to die, all i could think about is why werent you there to tell me its going to be ok, thats all i could remember about my dream
Strings hung from the tree that shakes.
Fruit does not grow on this tree yet, it still
tastes good, good enough to lick clean off a plate.
when we hold hands, the friction between each others hands could probly
make a small light bulb glow.
Foxs are orange but you and I are not.
We walk down a small path lit by the moons soft orange glow,
we heard the little shadow creatures infront of us towards the edge of the path
off the cliff out friends all fell to their death from.
I turn to you and notice you were allready looking at me with a smile only I could understand.
Cracks open, for words to form from my dry mouth, I breath out seeing my breath in the frosty air.
“do you know where we are going” I say in a whispery voice trying not to alert the rest of the world.
“The end of this path only knows where”
as you said with your cute smile and smiley eyes.
Suddenly in the distance, too far to focus in was a red light, as if the whole paths cool theme changes.
We didnt notice that three days had gone by of walking, things dont get easily noticd like that.
Hedge hogs were biking in the air with bird bikes. we asked for a ride but they had no room for some smooth skins.
The sun doesnt actualy rise, or set, it actualy just sits there doing nothing but burn the fuck out of rocks hurtling towards it at great speeds
can’t imagine what the moon would look/feel like crashing into the earth.
so we carried on walking, and the red light got closer and closer, i could make it out
to be a normal street light but only red, still a long away though.
as we got closer to the light, it got harder to walk, my feet felt like
they were nearly 100kgs each, you kept of walking at normal speeds,
still pulling my hand and suddenly stopped, my hand couldnt reach out
any further, you tried to pull me, but my legs wouldnt give, i started to stop
moving all together.
only my eyes could move, you started to grab both my hands and pull,
nothing would move, just my eyes. suddenly a dark hole in the path be hind you opend up
and it was sucking all the air into its darkness.
endless darkness looking like tenticals or hair started to pour out of
the dark hole, you started to get pushed back into the hole.
one of the tenticals grabbed me and slowly pulled me near the void, you seen me passing you and decided to grab on to
my body just befor it pulled me into the void.
as soon as we entered the void, sound did not exsist, i could tell by looking at your face.
you tried to speak to me but i guess you found out too that sound did not exsist here, where ever here is.
as we got deeper in the void filled with blackness we slowly turned around like a satellight and saw the hole we fell into
slowly close up.
when the hole completely filled with darkness i could start to feel control over my body once again, slowly wrapping myself around you
we clung holding each other through a dark place fill with nothing , pitch black, no gravity, no light, just us two floating,
still holding onto the last images of each others face.
feeling each others sweat from fear and the beating of our hearts fear had created was the best feeling at the current time.
After awhile we both felt sleepy, trying to sleep while in pitch black , floating in a random void/dirrection was
a bit more complex in thought, we took off the top shirts we had on and created
a tie btween us both so we could both fall asleep and not ferak out about
floating away from each other and not knowing where each other was.
we woke each other up after what seemed like 5days sleep,
still pitch black, but something was diffent
a loud swishing noise was in the distance , with each swish was a bassy feeling hitting us, like some sort of harmless force was being pushed into us like waves.
the sound got louder and louder as we keep floating down the sound was drawing nearer
the feeling it was pushing into us got more and more intense, getting closer now, it was gettig louder too. swish, swish every 5 seconds it swished.
it seemd to becoming from beside us now, as if we were passing it, jusrt casualy as we passed down beside it, it made a loud fog horn noise that went from a low tone to a higher tone freaking us out. the sound was like it was either acknowlegding us or letting someone/something know where we are or that we are on our way down
you started to get scared, i said everything will be ok, im here too.
then you just tucked awawy into my arms.
it started to feel like years had passed by, legit years, we’d casualy lock our hands togeter and stretch our bodies out to stop cramping up.
tell stories of what might become of us.
tried to keep each other from going insane.
after awhile, we started to smell the scent of pine, just pine. Freash from the tree kind of smell
we thought we had gone so crazy, without food or drink that we started to go crazy and smell pine.
we could smell it so vividly that it smelt like it was right in our face.
suddenly a glimer of light was above us, just unfocused glimers.
you screamed sharply and said somethings at your feet. all of a sudden we could talk now.
so i slowly and carefully put my feet down, tapped something then put both feet down and was standing steadily
i said “its something hard like ground, I…I think we have reached the ground or something”
you then put your feet back down we stretched out real good and started to walk around.
you whispered to watch out for more holes in the ground, with a tight squeeze to my hand.
we stayed put for a few minutes to try feel for anything on the ground, it was just a hard surface,
like concrete or some sort of very hard cold material.
we started to walk in one dirrection and came across a pine tree, then another, and another, and it started to
feel like we were in a pine forest.
fields of oranges were pouring over the land like waves at the beach, going in and out of tide, the air smelt acidic.
we all held our bananas towards the sun waiting for her arrival,
“everybody pull out your cell phones” someone yells , we pull them out from our left pockets and hold them tightly to
the banana waiting for one of us to be picked by the royal queen snake,
she only visits us when the sea of oranges tide moves in and out
when its not, its just dormant/ceases to moves
the glimer of unfocused light returns and gives our new path some sort of light.
not knowing how much time has actualy passed with out seeing each others face, no eating and no drinking and no hearing has taken its toll. how long have we actualy been in this darkness, and why are we here.
the only thing we could do for the moment wqas to hug each other and listen to the forest around us.
this was when the strange frightning things started to happen,
this was when we found a dimension of hell…
It hardends when you least expect it, I never like its timing. Things could go better if I had a little more self control. Surrounded by endless trees, pine by the smell. Things start to condence, I can feel the air getting tighter, or am I running out of Breath? Am I running? I cant tell any more. If I had of known it would end this way I would have done something about it or atleast change the course of direction till I grasped the reality of what I had done. Its very surreal how we can vividly remember something truly negitive in our life line, it sticks to our constant reminder sponge. Not a day goes by without me thinking about it. About it. About, it. About….it. It doesnt change my mind in any way of what im about to do next, if I follow through. Theres a cancer in all of us just waiting to be activated. Something to start the cycle of death, once you think you are cured it comes back again and again and again. Something that makes us finaly snap. That reality check. Your going to die anyway so why not go out with a bang? I can feel the wet dirt slowly draging me into the earth, I balance myself with the shovel in my left hand, its now raining, making this whole thing much more harder for me. I carry on digging, theres alot to uncover. I dont even know if im being followed, but who would follow me three hours through dense forest terrain? Only I would follow me, only curiousity would carry me all the way. Such a pitty I have no friends to help me. Atleast one would do. Atleast one… “hi there” I get no reply from this guy, I dont even think he’s acknowlegded me standing behind him. “ah you seem to have cut infront of me, it’s rude to push infront of the line” “HEY, did you fucking hear me” now hes heard me, he turns around with this smug look on his face, stained business tie matching brown suit “no I didnt and i dont care about you and your place in line, im running late so im in a hurry, its just how the system works” “well ive been waiting atleast fourty minutes, mind going to the back of the line please” he carries on ignoring me, fucking bastard. I decided to leave the line and wait outside in my car. Shortly after THIS filthy man comes out after tending to his business and slips into his car. I adjust my seat out of nervousness followed with the injection of a seat belt buckle. He pulls out and heads down the street, I follow slowly trying not to give myself away, driving with anger I start to get careless and begin with the road rage process, speeding through red lights trying to catch up with the soon to be dead business man, after atleast an hour and a half of stalking him through town he ends his travels at a house assuming its his I park three houses away just making out his face in the distance to hide my own idenity, i put the car in something I call ready to leave in a hurry mode, shift it to first gear and cut the engine, hand break on just incase. He opens the door with his own set of keys so this has to be his house. Fucking hell. Visions of stars come into range, leaving the site of earth and her moon, I can slowly make out constalations from school studies, memories jogging abit. Never thought I would lose grip of the imbilcal cord. Now im forever folating in one direction of emptiness, cold, and… Alone. Never to return. Lost coms and have about 98 hours of oxygen left. The longest 98 hours of my life left just to myself. The most frightening part is being alone. Dying alone is a self destruction game, how many things will go through your mind before you break. What happens when we die? What if i dont see the white light? Will it hurt? Will i get re born and live the same life but with different choices completly oblivious to my past decisions? Is it my turn to live as an animal now? Or perhaps a plant? Does my concousness Repeat the last state of mind i died in, in an eternal loop? Or does my mind just stop exsisting? Black. Empty. Nothingness? Im scared, yet curious. I want to know what death has to offer after life. Perhaps, im not ready. Suddenly im at the back door, turning the handle to the right ever so slowly. Back pack on and ready to go. Soft radio music happens to be luring me to what people call the dining room these days. THIS business man appears to be eating, hes startled by my appearance. “No no please sit…” He continues to stand, “I said fucking sit you asshole” “do you remember me? I hope you do, its only been about two hours since you cut in line” I can see his jaw studder to make words ” i think you should leave before i call the cops” from out of nowhere i start screwing a cooled silencer onto a pistol, it feels as if i have no control over what im doing, im just here for the ride and my bodys giving me a show. My hand pulled out a magazine loaded with simple cheap 9mm bullets. I quickly insert the the mag into the pistol, hold it up aiming at his sholder. “call who sorry?” the man starts to weep, studders more words “wh wha what ddddddo you want?” Hmmmm, this is infact the first time ive heard these word put together in this sequence, ive never been asked what i want before, well from what i can rememeber. ” a little FUCKING RESPECT!!” before i know it i hear the gun cock, quiet hand clap noise and theres red all over the wall behind him, hes screaming so loud, quickly i drop the gun and run over to him, i tell him its ok and place my bag beside him, i check for the entry point and ive nipped him just between the sholder socket. I open my bag frantickly and find a rag, i dont use it for the wound i quickly shove it all into his mouth, this guy starts to fight back as i try to fill his filthy mouth with the rag, lucky it just fits, this guy refuses to keep it in his mouth so i quickly run to the gun on the floor and pick it up and pointed to his nuts, told him to put the rag in his mouth, i was soon replied with compliance so i put the gun back on the floor and i return to the open bag to fetch some ductape and wrap it around his mouth and head for a few circuts till his screaming is completely muffled. Then my hands start searching the bag, i have no idea what im looking for. Suddenly my hand finds a cold jar filled with…what smells like petrol. And cut off his business shirt with a knife and examin the wound. he strugles and falls off the dining chair, i instantly stomp the back of his head four times and he stops moving, i quickly pull him back up onto the chair and rope him, restrained him good like. “seems like i have quite the bag of tricks here” i tell him. He doesnt respond, i think hes unconcious or something, i slowly walk back to the gun a had dropped in a hurry and holstered it into the back of my pants on my return trip back to the table, i reach for the jar i had a few minutes ago, open it and addressed the liquid contents to the wound with an instant reaction this guy started to jerk in the chair trying to escape his restraints, i could see in his face he was trying to scream as loud as he could, the veins in his face could pop at this stage. His wound now seeps with petrol, its quite the nasty gash if you ask me, at least a good two finger wide in measurment of a hole in his sholder as I squeeze a pair of fingers in the wound leaking petrol… Suddenly the color of red on my own hands surprised me, a little alarm went in my head telling me its not my own. I went back to the bag and opened the front pocket this time finding a box of matches and a bbq lighter, ” which one would you purfur” he started shaking his head in disagreement. ” i dont think you understand, you have to pick one, just steer at the one you’d like me to use” he gave each fire item a glance and started staring at me, i got a mixed feeling about the emotions in his face… He wanted to kill me or forgive me, it kept changing. And to think this all happened because he cut in line. He still hadnt chosen which fire lighter to use.”fine ill choose for you then” i opened the box of matches and grabed all that was in the tiny box and jamed them into his wound. ” hold the fuck still, the matches will fall out” the fear in his eyes grew bigger as i found another box of matches revealing them selves in the front pocket of my bag. This must have realy hurt, bits of little match sticks stabing you from the inside. I emptied the contents of that box also into his sholder wound, grabbed the bbq lighter “ill just use both since you couldnt choose one, maybe youll listen next time just as you should have listened to me the first time in that fucking line you cut in” I find myself puting the bbq lighter deep into the match stick infested wound and pulling the trigger… Never in my life ive seen such a beautiful birth of light. Its just as deadly as the birth of a star, a small star that life survives on exploding gases and molten metals spitting out, causing radiation of the unknown, sending out the all types of matter, frequencies we cannot hear. A brite flash of red flame ignites within his wound, followed by murmors of scuffled screams, the smell of burnt flesh isnt inviting, i nearly throw up, reminding myself how very real this is, the flame slows to a blueish color, near invisible to the eye. He slips into another black out. I want him awake for every pain i serve him, witness the torture I sumon. I find myself walking through a door way trying to find the kitchen pantry, hiding behind the fridge are two great big doors leading to the roof, i open one and bingo, the pantry found me. I scan for some salt, the raw open flesh hates salt. “wake up” i snap my fingers next to his ear and nothing happens, i open the salt packet at the corner and just pour it into the wound, the salt sticks to the burnt melty flesh like glue, this has no effect. This bag of mine has a large heavy object at the bottom, i dip my hand in for a feel. As my hands find this heavy item my a smile is created on my face i pull out what seems to be a hammer, now i remember, i also bought nails with me too. I find the box if six inch nails 100 pack, now obviously im not going to use them all but a few would do nicely. I grab one from the packet and hold it against the inside of his thight just to wake him up, ill start off small, i raise the hammer high above my head and bring it down fast, one hit got the nail stuck in the chair good like. He starts shaking as if he has a cold, i know hes feeling rather sick now, the color has drained from his face, pale sick looking business man. I wave another nail in face letting him know theres more to come, i place the nail and hammer on the table infront of him, and look around in one of the side pockets of the bag, theres a pencil sharpner and a packet of hb pencils, i open the packet infront him him taking my time, his shoulder wound has lost most of his blood and is now staining the floor. I grab the sharpner and start sharpning two pencils casualy to entertain this guy. Got them both the same length and leave them placed on the table infront, without warning i pick the nail and hammer up and aim the nail in the middle of his sternum and go for gold! As i hit i could hear the bone cracking underneith the hammer, the hammer nearly went through his chest, before he blacks out again i move his chair infront of the table and about a meter away, grabbed the the two pencils and shoved the sharpened ends up each of his nostrels and made sure they were quite far in, went behind this fellow and grabbed the back of his head with my palm, tilted the chair and pushed it as hard as i could into the table with the pencils inserting into his brain, follwed with a loud crunching noise, this point i was curious to see if it was the pencils snaping or his skull crushing… The pencils pretty much dissapeard into his skull, blood drips from his nose and mouth, i assume this man is well on his way past death. I grab all my tools “thanks for your time” and left his house assuming im in there clear. I get back home and i couldnt help think about that guy, i didnt even get his name. Spoons are for eating, why am i using it to kill people? why not a knife or a gun? Why cant i just drive a car into a group of people? Why is this? I know why, its because im difficult A difficult person A difficult person to deal with, thats why. “hi there i want your wallet and shoes” The man declines my needs so i galge his eye with a spoon serverly. Vastly increasing his chances of being blind obviously, actualy ill just make him fully blind. While im at it im going to attempt to repeatitivly stab him in the mouth with this spoon. See how difficult i am, a spoon. A fucking spoon. No one wants to die by a spoon. Spoons are for eating. Crazy times are coming.
This dream was very intense, I was in some kind of tropical jungle, rambo style head band, sweating furiously, tight grip on my rifle, I remember creeping through the jungle with the feeling that I’d die if i wasnt watching with caution. My best friend in real life who I’ll name Hero, was with me, he clicked his fingers to warn me of the single soldier infront of him, he quickly but quietly swung his rifle be hind him. Reached up by his shoulder to pull out his combat knife. The soldier up ahead was having a smoke, looked like a single patrol soldier on a break. I could hear small twigs under my feet snap, but not loud enough for the enemy to hear, the swishing of topical plant leaves made, ore noise as our legs brushed against them, Hero moved up behind him as I gave myself distance to look out for other soldiers just incase we werent alone. Hero was right behind him, I could feel my heart beating so hard hoping it was going to be a quick kill, he grabbed him by the head and grabbed his mouth and pulled him backwards to the ground trying to muffle the sounds of gasping, Hero looked like he a struggle but I could see him taking control. By now I was freaking out some one would hear the small cracking noises of the tigs and plants being broken, I was looking everywhere to see if anyone was coming our way, I look back at Hero, he was hunched over the soldier sweat dripping off his nose and forehead, slowly inserting the knife into the guys chest, could just hear him hushing him as the soldier muffled with pain. Hero got back up and cleaned his knife, slide it back into his shoulder sheath. Whipped his chin and nodded, swinging his rifle back into some form of readyness, we then carried on through the dense heat in the jungle…then I woke up.
So I crossed the road from burger king, theres an atm on the other side of the road by the park between two very large trees. I slip my card into the machine and get out $80, the card gets spit back out and noises from inside the machine lets me know that its counting my money. I grab my $80 when I notice there is $200 in $20 notes right beside the me on the small counter the atm comes with. I quickly grab it, suddenly I hear someone down the road shouting out hey thats my money, next thing I notice im running up the foot path and take a left into a small forest the size of a small city block. I can still hear his voice chasing me from behind, I find the boundary and come to another road. At this point I can hear and see police cars to my right, I quickly cross the road into a small desert looking area with large amounts of small bushes, ducking and crawling beside the bushs to hide myself, I noticed I lost the guy whos money I had taken. As I think I’m in the clear I stand up and quickly brush myself off and start walking casualy towards home, BAM! a police car crashs through a gate that enters the land and stops infront of me with both doors opening at the same time, two male police officers screaming “get down get down” as I lay face down I grab out $280 from my pocket and tell them $80 is mine, they grab $200 and leave me my withdrawn cash and suddenly leave, next minute Ihear a screaming noise above me, I roll over and see a large fireball heading straight for me… then I wake up.